Miserable

I don't remember the last time I felt so truly miserable. How does it feel to know that you as a person, with good intentions and no malice, has ruined something between two other people you don't particularly want to hate or despise, who in fact you like pretty much, but still you can't help ruining the thing because you are the person you are? I hate myself. I don't remember the last time I felt so truly miserable. So this is how it feels.
(I know this wouldn't really make sense to a reader, but hey, sometimes personal blogs are obscure. Face it.)